Lords, Lards, ladies, ladles, Daves, Davettes, hyperintelligent shades of the colour blue….and Adam the Salmon….may I have your attention please.
My portable cellular device has died, and is currently refusing to hold charge…this is not the best of times to have this happen…..and also this is 2 weeks before my upgrade date too!!! Apple Inc., your iPhone is a steaming pile of shite since the iOS 7 release.
Anyway, if you need to get hold of me, drop me messages via the social networks I haunt, or text my sweet crumpet.
I’m not Morgan Freeman…..thankyou for listening.